The Silver Lining

February 17, 2020 was the Day Time Stopped. I've struggled for words ever since.  The morning was foggy.   So foggy I couldn't see across the cove. So foggy that Facebook friends were commenting that it was the thickest fog they'd ever seen. Instead of "walking on little cat feet," this fog landed like thick concrete. The phone rang. My sister said there had been a car accident. Our parents were injured. We raced to the hospital in Charlotte. Our daddy died that evening. Our mama died two days later, on the 19th. Time Stopped. Nothing will ever be the same again. ***** The first time we walked back into their house, everything was waiting. The chicken waited to welcome them back home. Daddy's lift chair waited for him to come sit back down. Mama's books and crossword puzzles waited for her to pick them back up. Breakfast dishes waited to be washed. Mama's earrings and "Charlie" perfume waited to be worn. Daddy's Tyson cap waited to be put...

I've had a not-so-great week, physically and emotionally.  I spent a couple of days just curled up on the couch, unable to really move.  Even chewing food and speaking became difficult.  (A medication adjustment caused this, another adjustment is beginning to help me recover again.) I gaze into the mirror and ask the reflection, "Who are you now?  Who have you become?"  I look at not-so-old photos of myself and ask, "I miss you, where did you go? Will you ever come back?" I've done a fair bit of shaking my fist at God (read:  "Giant Pity Party") but I guess I feel a little entitled to do so.  I'm struggling to do some of the simplest, most mundane tasks.  I also know this, too, shall pass -- and I really DO try to balance it out with counting my blessings. Then I lost two friends, untimely deaths for them both.  Or at least "untimely" for those of us who loved them. My Giant Pity Party turned into an angry rant. These ...