5 -- Roller Coaster Ride With a Free-Fall Drop

Mid-June to June 25, 2018

Do you remember your first time riding a roller coaster?  You’re seated in the car, all locked in and it begins to move slowly at first.  There are a few twists and turns, some jerks and rolls, and it begins to speed up as it goes through the first turns and twist.  But eventually, it’s going to start climbing up a hill, and you KNOW that after you crest the top of that hill there is a heart-stopping, death-defying drop that is nearly straight down.    You enjoy the first part of the ride, even the scary jerky parts, but know that eventually, you’re going to make that dive.  As the car begins the gradual ascent up that hill, you become more and more apprehensive of What Is To Come.  When the car gets to the very top, it stops, very briefly, and you might hear or feel a little *click* -- just before the car dives into the abyss, free-falling, fast and uncontrollable. 

My story so far is like the first part of the ride.  There were strange things going on:  I felt tired and weak, and I was plagued with double vision.  Those things were scary and jerked me around for about a month.  Then I started up the hill – and I knew there were strange things happening as I made the ascent.  Then one day, something happened that was that little *click* at the top of the hill, just before the free-fall. 

I spent two days sewing in mid-June.  I sew for Caleb Ministries, creating “Angel Gowns” given to grieving parents of stillborn and miscarried infants. It is a way I can use my sewing skills to bless others, a way I can exercise my creativity.  I love days that I can spend with trims and fabrics – often cutting apart donated wedding gowns like the ones in the picture below.  I listen to my favorite music, often whispering prayers for those who will receive the tiny gowns as I work. 

Two straight days of sewing, and I had completed several gowns.  I felt a little back tension, some shoulder ache, some neck pain after my two-day sewing marathon – but that was normal for me.  I asked David to give me a shoulder rub, and it helped some. 

We had guests coming for the weekend, so I spent the next few days cleaning and organizing my sewing room/guest room upstairs, and then giving the rest of the house a good cleaning.  As my week progressed, my energy level slipped lower, and lower, and lower.  The roller coaster was straining, pulling, getting near the top of the hill.  Chores that I could do in an afternoon were taking two days because I kept having to lie down and rest. My neck and shoulder really hurt; I slapped an Icy-Hot patch on it and tried to keep going.  

Friday afternoon, I sat at the top of the roller coaster hill, and I felt that little *click* -- the free-fall dive was about to begin, fast, scary and steep. 

I suddenly could not lift my head.  Literally.  My chin was on my chest and it felt like there was a giant hand pushing down on the back of my head.  No matter how much I tried, I could not raise my head.  If I sat down with my back supported, I was able to at least get my chin off of my chest.  To eat, or to brush my teeth, I had to prop my head up with my left hand.  My coordination and balance were majorly affected.  Since my peripheral vision was skewed, I couldn’t look out of the top part of my eyes and trust what I could see.  I was a mess.  I called my doctor’s office – but they closed at noon on Friday.  I probably should have gone to the Emergency Room, but other than a little muscle tension in my shoulder, nothing really HURT.  I was just tired.  Right?  Lie down a while, get some rest.  It will be better.  Right?

Our friends Jim and Mindy arrived; they took one look at me and knew something just was wrong.  We spent a quiet weekend at home catching up with them.

Monday morning, I went straight to Dr. Eric Marom's office and asked to be worked in for an appointment.  I had just been there a couple of weeks ago, and my doctor was clearly shocked by my appearance.  My vitals were all just fine.  But perhaps I’d had a stroke?  He ordered some blood tests and scheduled me for an MRI the following morning.  I asked if it would be OK for us to make a trip to the beach –a little Vitamin Sea has always been good for my soul.  He agreed, but said if the MRI showed anything at all, I needed to be prepared to return ASAP. 

Tuesday morning, I arrived at the hospital for the MRI.  The whole process didn’t take long, the technician said I could expect a phone call with results in a day or two.  Once I was done we headed for the beach.  The sand, sea, ocean breezes were a welcome respite in what was beginning to become a scary storm in my life. 

I relaxed in a chair beneath the shade of an umbrella most of the day Wednesday.  We were just about to pack up and go back to the house when my telephone rang.  The MRI results showed no sign of stroke, I was perfectly healthy. 

Except….I wasn’t.  And now a fear factor was beginning to set in.  What is happening to me?

Dr. Marom asked me to return to his office when we got back from the beach.  He wanted to run a few more blood tests.  There was something he was beginning to suspect. 

So now, another 70’s song is running through my head.  At least the words to this one are actually empowering.

"Hold Your Head Up"  by Argent

And if it's bad
Don't let it get you down, you can take it
And if it hurts
Don't let them see you cry, you can make it

Hold your head up, oh
Hold your head up, oh
Hold your head up, oh
Hold your head high

And if they stare
Just let them burn their eyes on you moving
And if they shout
Don't let it change a thing that you're doing

Hold your head up, oh
Hold your head up, oh
Hold your head up, oh
Hold your head high